Water, bikinis and board shorts, silicone, and...poop.

Remember when "aquatic centers" consisted of a swimming area a tad larger than what you could buy at the local K-Mart that was plastic and could be filled with your garden hose? There was a standard diving board, and if your local municipality was extra loaded then you had a high dive board. And if you were really, really lucky...there was a sun pad in the middle of the pool so the guys and gals could swim out with some remoteness and go goo-ga over one another. Sure, there were concession stands...that consisted of Coke, Sprite and the occasional rope of cherry licorice. Finally, all of the sun bathing areas and drop off spots were, well, concrete and you had to bring like six beach towels to soften the sunnin. Anyone remember Teachout swimming pool, Birdland swimming pool, and Camp Dodge pool??????

Today, "aquatic centers" take on a whole new meaning. Especially the new one in Ankeny...Cascade Falls. Holy water up my nose! this place is balls-out impressive. It's like as if Kevin Costner took the plans for his best movie set, WaterWorld (insert sarcasm), and gave it to the city of Ankeny. It's like if Oceans of Fun and a Carnival cruise ship did the nasty and had a 3 acre sunbathing, watersliding, high diving, lazy rivering love child (yea, go ahead City of Ankeny, you can use this in your marketing brochures). It's as if on the 8th day, God himself created Cascade Falls!

It was just all too perfect. I could swear that Ankeny now boasts the best mommy and daddy bodies in the Des Moines area. There were some gorgeous people with gorgeous babies and a good share of silicone to officially put Ankeny on the map as #1 in the DSM area for perfectly round and sometimes way-too-big-for-her-body boobs. And the concession stand had someone in a CHEF'S hat running around in the back!!!! I ordered the rare duck and blue fin tuna sashimi, with a klondike bar and salted pretzel to finish off the snack. Don't get me started on the three waterslides and the toilet bowl slide...beats the pants out of just the standard twisty and turvy variety. Oh, and the lazy lazy river with like 4 stops...where are the bungee cords and floating coolers when you need them?!?!?! Oh, oh! and the kids/baby pool area...ridiculously playful it's insanely sick!!! I mean, this place is so nice, I wanted to puke perfumed roses and Price Is Right showcase showdown winners!

But alas...some things never change. Especially when poop enters the picture...er, I mean, pool. Yes, I found a Crappie sized crapper floating near the aqua playpen...someone didn't have her swim diaper on snug enough. The old aquatic center feel is not lost...they had to clear the pool, fish out the Baby Ruth, and douse the place with Clorox bleach. Just like the old days!!!!! And for some reason, I sense of peace enveloped me...all is not lost...